:: a.whisper.in.water ::
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i'm.okay : how're.you? : thanks.for.asking : thanks.for.asking ::| [::archive::] |
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| [::link.portal::] |
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| :: achewood [>] |
| :: hulahluaghalgah [>] |
| :: unamerican [>] |
| :: cheater [>] |
:: Sunday, November 24, 2002 ::
Nothing quite like third-wheel status to impose lonliness upon the psyche...floating between couples all night long...feh. I don't even feel entitled to bitch anymore. I feel compelled to trivialize my own discomforts/worries/troubles. And used, to some small capacity. I thought that nothing could go wrong if you were just nice. Like, I try to shield my sad, pathetic academic status by being a good friend and acting self-sacrificing every once in a while. Oh well.
Everyone feels miles and miles away...weird times these are; I can't decide whether that's good or not. It's so ugly to have to wake up every day faced with the possibility of displacement, of removal from the place that's wormed its way into your being, from the people, the friends that are cool beyond number. I certainly don't want anyone to feel badly if I'm made to leave, which is why I'm ambivalent as to whether just sort of fading away is a good thing to do. It would take a lot of slinking around, certainly. How to disappear completely and not be found.
Everyone says the same thing, that they feel guilty because they can't see all their friends...at the very least, I do. I don't make it out to the north dorms nearly enough...the vast majority of my whole freshman year sits in sideways Gummere, and I almost never go there. I can only begin to recall how fondly I remember freshman year...probably the most idyllic time of my life, seeing as I was essentially doing what I'm doing now, and not really fearing having to stop. Sitting on a bed, plinking away at a guitar, sitting in an excessively-padded chair, whiling away my hours Karting, which later led to Soul Calibur, which later led to Super Smash Brothers...ah, life would be a lot simpler if I didn't like gaming. This year it's been DDR (whose songs I now listen to...real music made me break down), to a large extent. With Unreal Tournament back on my machine, I've almost signaled my giving up. It's scrawled on my arm.
I don't wanna go...
:: Aziz 5:00 AM [+] ::
...
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