:: a.whisper.in.water ::

:: Friday, April 11, 2003 ::

Maddie's Got it Right On
Clearly, I can only work when fucked. That's bad. REALLY bad. She likened aderol to being a laser: extreme focus, but shaken, and destroyed. I was just shaken, and it felt awful. It's the very same feeling that makes me wring my hands when I'm taking an exam, and it takes so long to fight...I don't know what caused it back then, but it feels awful, and you want hugs, work, and death all in the same moment, in varying proportions. I mean, it's ridiculous the stuff I've done instead of working really hard: I organized laundry, renamed my boxes in Eudora, refilled THREE brita filters around the apartment, and went on tiny fits of organizing glee. Pretty sick. Like Emi's comic, only on, well, speed. Lots of speed. Speed that isn't being put to good use, and that induces feelings of awful.

Dropping a deuce and reading is usually how things are made to feel better, though I don't know how that works now, on two greenbulls and 10mg in the past 5 hours. Boingboingboingboingboing. Yeah. The incense is burning, and it's not stopping.

I played one of my best games of Starcraft ever. I learn quickly how to make the most of the shit that I build without purpose, and to make good use of powerful, area-based killers (i.e., psystorm and reaver-scarabs). I mean, I still LOST, 'cause I suck at direction and attack, but the carnage I caused was gorgeous. Such good defense have I...I was laughing manically, spurring Ed to heights of appreciation for my gaming-insanity. Of course, then it was 3:30, and I hadn't done any work. I really still haven't, though I turned in something a good 27 hours after it was done, since I'm a retard, and it was totally 3 weeks late. It didn't even matter, though, since it went right on top of my other assignment that I'd turned in the day before. He's probably not even going to touch them until tomorrow afternoon, which would spur me to do the last problem set...it may make a good distracting assignment, once these two get too heavy.

Poor Jenny...working so hard, and subjected to a circus of pain, due to all the cruelty to animals. I'd love to be working like this around her, with her sleeping in my empty, dirty bed. When she comes, that's when I'll clean the sheets. That, or this weekend. I'm almost glad to have this weekend to myself, since then I can go to all these campus activites, provided I don't sleep through them all. I'm especially looking forward to Haydn's Creation; it has everyone's favorite honorary Japanese boy, vegan-Matt soloing, along with Katy G from customs, who's really going far with music, bless her.

A music minor tempted me, oh yes it did. I think I'm actually just an undeclared Chem minor, and a very declared Physics major: I've take 8 physics courses already, counting labs as whole courses (I certainly suck enough to make them a course and a HALF each. I just hope I don't fuck anything up of Walter's, oooh boy...) So, as it turns out, a Physics Major, running the entire gamut, takes 16 courses. I think that's the most the school has to offer...I'm pretty proud of myself for not shying away from it, though I'm gonna need a LOT to pull through. I feel like I can do it now, though...that feeling's gone, thank god.

On to work, on to an english grade, on to shutting Jerry fucking Gollub up, onto P-Chem...oof, I'm gonna need a lot of AD before I'm through with all this.

Music of the Moment: Tortoise - Djed


:: Aziz 6:05 AM [+] ::
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