:: a.whisper.in.water ::

:: Tuesday, July 29, 2003 ::

EmoBloggers Will Suffer! (D'oh)
As soon as I figure out what's clamped around my ankles, dragging me oceanfloorwards, man is it gonna get it between the cheeks. I'm working on getting to bed early, such that my tomorrow won't suck, and I'll be able to get a respectable amount of work done (45 minutes or something pitifully shameful today). I suspect I simply need a really good conversation with Jenn to feel reconnected to that-which-is-important again. The problem (and here's where the cycle is perpetuated) is that to have a good conversation with Jenn, I need to be happy in the first place; she (like most people) hasn't really done that much when I'm not (Believe me, I can't wait until she proves me wrong, because I will take my wrongness check to the happiness bank and take out the stupidest metaphor ever. Oops.), so it's really all about staying under the influence of video games and noncommittal music 'till external circumstances happen to favor a good conversation. That'll probably take some non-routine activities on my part, and playing fucking America's Army isn't one of them. That game does about as much for me as a bloody light cigarette. Lucky Strike me, if you're going to do so at all.

I suck for not calling You back sooner, by the way. I'm sorry. There are two dimensions to being sorry, incidentally. Understanding that I've done something wrong, and actually allowing myself to come into the warranted feelings of remorse. The second is more necessary, but scarier, and it's bound to be dangerously easy to just blanket-generalize myself as a bad person. Ah, faulty wiring, how I love thee.

Before, I'd have just cuddled with someone else, but that's not so much on tap anymore. The answer: take up issues where they originate from. Will that make sleeping easier? In the long run, perhaps, but damned if I want anything to do with anything that involves my stopping for the day right now. I'm far too addicted to stable happiness to part with it, but with work lagging so badly, and myself facing a week at home, I'm failing to look too favorably at the immediate future. Oh well. There is always that Radiohead concert in the not-so-distant future (two weeks and change, really. Not that far at all.) Maybe I'll switch it up to EV Nova after Bookworm consumes itself in a great whimper of ennui.

Music: Grandaddy - The Saddest Vacant Lot In All The World

:: Aziz 2:20 AM [+] ::
...