:: a.whisper.in.water ::

:: Tuesday, July 01, 2003 ::

Our Wanderin' Days have Just Begun
I feel oddly floaty, incapable of doing things in a substantial way (though that's a norm during the schoolyear, really), and generally unanchored. I suspect it may well be from too many changes too quickly in that-which-is-internally-established: seeing Jenn for a weekend is always a radical shift, but I came back to find both Anne and Walter gone, the latter of which is totally throwing off my work habits (though my alarm clock being really quiet when I want it to be an alarm clock isn't much help either), and thus casting irresolution upon a major purpose to being at school. The money doesn't really help either, as it's just wandering off to my savings account, which has done me no good at all since its opening when I became a referee a long time ago. I'm pretty sure I've got enough to ::sings:: pay the Rent!, so I shouldn't be in any grave financial troubles.

I did groceries the other day. Mom would have killed me. There wasn't a healthy thing in there. Not one. Maybe milk, if you can somehow count that as healthy, even though it just gets put in cereal bowls with cereal and junk food. This is my latest kill-myself-faster kick: putting shit in your cereal, like a big ol' brownie on top, or a bunch of Teddy Grahams on the bottom. So, milk really isn't much better either, but at least I'm not smoking anymore (as of last Tuesday), not that I even so much as smoked a pack's worth to begin with.

As far as Anne leaving, the circumstances near her departure were odd. There was a really good night where we could just sit and talk without her feeling prevented from doing so, a night that found her capable of the warmth I seek when I hang out with her. (The night was Thursday.) Then, the night before her departure, and especially the day thereof, back to reserved, someplace-else interactions. Oh well. I can see Christian pulling her away from me, and that's irksome and silly, as well as disappointing. I hope I haven't done that with anyone in ignorance of what it feels like. All I'm left with is a copy of the 5th Harry Potter book that I'm one book away from being qualified to read, though I'm saving it for the weekend, as it will most likely consume me if I start it now, the way the waking imagination-daydreams within the HP-magicverse have been doing so as well.

The weekend, though, was wonderful. I may just excerpt some of the diary I keep out of sloth, because it's definitely worth posting about, but I spent like 2.5 hours writing about it already. Sorry Kitty, but sloth is my middle initial.

I'm almost 19 and a half. Life's certainly on the express line of the proverbial monorail, isn't it.

Music: Soundgarden - The Day I Tried to Live. Seems like an odd, angsty choice, but I only know a vanishingly small fraction of the actual words to the song; it's just catchy. It might be accidentally relevant, but I don't know about it yet.

:: Aziz 5:01 PM [+] ::
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