:: a.whisper.in.water ::

:: Thursday, September 04, 2003 ::

Physics, Philosophy, and "Faithless, The Wonderboy"
Your quiz, o neglected readers, is to determine which of these classes is actually a fine specimen of modern music. I've been spending many a late night listening to the some of the finest, most powerful music my collection has to offer. Unfortunately, it carries most of the same emotional subtext of a lonely, rich man getting drunk off overpriced wine and sobbing in the enormous halls of his mansion. It's hard to say why, but I've got two generally sound ideas:

1. My whole college social life is out of groove (oh, and then I'm in trouble. Enormous props, no pun intended, to those with the savvy to get that reference). Leah's gone quite often, leaving me with a giant, lonely apartment that I don't even have the spirit to finish moving into; there's two mattresses lying around the living room, and I only know where one of them came from. Boxes of my shit huddle in the corners, full of old work and books that I take to school like merit badges for being a Decent Human Being.

2. My relationship with Jenn, for the first time ever, is open. Yikes. It's open for the purposes of preserving it, I think. Jenny seems happy, so that's a plus. I'm happy that she's happy, that's another plus. Our relationship itself seems more full of life, which is definitely good, but at the cost of security and that coziness that we're trying to avoid, since it makes us lazy. Net result: a big contributor to a general sense of displacement.

I can't believe school's started already. I guess I've gone to three days' worth of classes. I guess I've been here for five days. I guess I'd much rather be in New York City, if anywhere. Second choice, Santa Barbara. (cf: I swear I'm a happy person.) Somewhere down the line, I think Jenn was no longer able to cure me of these temporary malaises; most likely my fault. It's really not fair to place that burden on my friends here, since it usually means hanging around Anne for too long and letting her distract me and waiting for her to notice that something might be up; I suspect I hide it a little too well for this to be anything but a most temporary fix. I always wind up in front of the computer, watching the clocks bleed sleep I wouldn't have had anyway. [/whinygoth]

i'msotired.ofplaying.playingwiththisbow&arrow.i'mgonnagivemyheartaway.leaveitotheothergirlstoplay.forI'vebeenatemp-er-esstoolong. Yes.

One of these days, I'm going to getting around to that little e-social meme of blogging a little blurb about 20 random people in one's buddy list. Read: I vaguely intend to get around to that little e-social thing I saw in Emi's blog concerning little blurbs about 20 random people in one's buddy list. Sort of speaking of which, I don't know whether I want this or not. I have no functional need for it whatsoever, but goddamn, what a radicool poser I'd be with a DDR messenger bag...I really miss DanceDancing. We're a TV away from reincarnating Ben-Haus in poor Johnicholas' bedroom. As it is, nomadic SoulCalibur 2 in 1A's living room is sort of the sum total of the gaming going on right now. Chris made me a hardrockin' egg sammich for breakfast this morning. Colour me inspired. There's a fridge full of absolutely delicious and a little (motherfucking, god Ihateitsomuch) sore in my mouth keeping me from enjoying it , though I've yet to try the weird pudding yogurty stuff I got that's supposed to taste like cream savers. I dig that shit, yeah I do. I also find myself needing to cut back on my casual smoking, because even a little bit is bad, and I really don't like clearing my throat for no good reason.

Tomorrow's the first session of my "I'm a self-confessed fuckup" meetings with Dean Bean. I'd definitely say I still needed it; I've done little more than read perhaps 15 pages of stuff so far, though I've had plenty more to do than that. The 5am+ bedtimes aren't helping at all, mind you. I'd be sleeping sooner if I weren't so lonely, and it weren't so inconveniencing to (literally) sleep with someone else. I certainly don't anticipate the 30 minutes of painful self-awareness that come before finally falling asleep, and tend to do what I can to avoid them. However, if I sleep now, I get like 7.5 hours of sleep, all of which are a long time coming. I was definitely tired enough to nap this afternoon, but couldn't quite stomach how escapist the nap itself was. A couple of long conversations with Jenn today are doing a good job of keeping things intact, though, and it's odd how little it's bothering me, the prospect of her being with someone else (in the short-lived, Biblical sense, anyway); it's much harder for me to deal with her getting used, or hurt by someone who doesn't deserve her, though I wouldn't mind breaking the bastard who fucking dared as long as I'm going to be in the country anyway.

Not bad, not bad. Do tell me if you want anything, I'd be more than happy to give it to you, double happy if you've got Mezzanine.

:: Aziz 2:48 AM [+] ::
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